Help! My family is awful!
“I am here because I want help with my relationship with my mother. She says mean things to me all the time and it brings up ugly memories from my childhood that are upsetting me.” Generally followed by a list of insulting and hurtful things mom or dad or siblings have done in the past few months. This after the client has bent over backward to try and get along with these people but getting only unkindness in return.
I say “Mother” because that is the most common, but I am also seeing this with fathers, sisters-lots of sisters and aunts. For simplicity I will just say “Mother”
It’s time to pull back from that or those family members and have less contact.
NO! But Jill that’s against my culture, I have to learn to get along with them:
Maybe they are supposed to learn how to get along with you and they are failing miserably. And “family first” does not mean “give mom whatever she wants and accept her insults and verbal abuse.” Nope pretty sure no culture says that.
“OK, now I want to tell her off or make her understand how what she does makes me.”
No!! That’s what SHE wants because making you feel bad about yourself is fun for her and giving her a list of all the ways she has succeeded will bring her JOY. And you don’t need to contribute to that madness.
Got your point Jill so what do I do?
Well since you asked here you go.
Get along from a distance: Assume that less is more, less time together, less texting, less phone calls, less of everything even less words used when you do interact so shorten those emails. Say this out loud. “Sorry, I am just really busy right now” or “that doesn’t work for me (us) right now” and stop responding to things right away. Will they get mad? Probably but that’s their problem, you are really busy right now it’s not personal.
Match their gifts: If they responded to your expensive birthday gift with a card or a text saying “happy birthday” give them a card next time. The same goes for every other interaction. Follow their lead and don’t be tempted to overdo to try and make them love you. Sorry but that doesn’t work.
NO fighting! No matter how much you want to. Just walk away or not respond to mean texts. Remember YOU ARE BUSY! Too busy to respond to that stuff.
Redefine family: Your family is you, your kids, your spouse and the dog and maybe not even your spouse but for sure the dog. That’s it!
I know its tough and everyone seems a little on edge right now but do the work and I promise you things will get easier by the end of summer. But for now remember “You are just SOOO busy, too busy for family drama” and leave it at that.
Much love.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Hypnotherapy & Intuitive Readings
760-803-2841
www.jillkthomas.com
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat