It seems like everyone right now is having difficulty dealing with family so I thought I would talk about it.
As a society we seem to have adopted this idea that we need to learn to get along with our family and to figure out how to have a positive relationship with them.
While this is a great aspirational objective, I personally am not of the belief that all family relationships are worth pouring lots of energy into.
I am sorry to say this, and I hope for your sake that I am wrong but, there may be people in your would who share your DNA and even your last name, who do not have your best interest at heart. Maybe they are unkind, emotionally abusive, demanding, manipulative or perhaps they are simply narcissistic with a side of drug or alcohol problems.
Whatever their story or yours, no matter how much work you do or how many therapy sessions you pay for, it may not be physically possible to have a healthy relationship of any kind with them. Period. And guess what, that’s not your fault nor should you keep trying so hard.
So, what do you do?
Adjust expectations: We get disappointed in “family” because we expect the sperm donors and egg donors in our life to be the kind, loving, respectful people that they really should have been but weren’t. Adjust what you expect from them down to a more honest realistic level.
Time to be really honest: Any drug addicts in your family? I am sorry if there are, but you already know what I am about to say if you have one. They wont change. At least 98% of them wont and you can’t do anything about it. You can’t love them enough, support them enough or give them enough of anything to fix what they are going through. They must do it alone. Don’t be dragged down into the black whole of need that is a drug addicts’ life, or you may find yourself drowning too.
Its ok to keep your distance: Society and especially church will tell you that you need to help family, but I disagree. Sometimes when a relationship is toxic its much better to let them find their own healing mechanisms and help. Trust me, they will. And there is no need for you to spend energy or resources you don’t have to people who don’t and possibly never did treat you with kindness love and respect.
Set aside the idea of inheritance: I can’t tell you how many clients I have had over the years who let family take over their lives with the threat of pulling their inheritance only to find that there wasn’t any or much of any in the first place. Family does try to use this card, don’t fall for it. Allow yourself to think about creating your own wealth rather than relying on someone else’s and allowing manipulation to happen. You are worth so much more than that.
Redefine Family: Lastly, you already have “family” good family in your life now! That you don’t label that way. Its time to start thinking of your close network of supporters as family members and insert yourself more into those lives. That’s were the real gold is hiding and its worth so much more than that tiny inheritance you might get if you give up part of your soul in supplication.
Love yourself enough to let go of DNA family and embrace spiritual family. You are so worth the effort.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Transformations
Hypnotherapy and Intuitive Readings
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat