Is there any hope for a cheater?
We’ve all heard the expression “once a cheater always a cheater” and both in my intuitive reading business and hypnotherapy sessions I get asked a lot if this is true. The answer? it depends. In my experience there are 4 kinds if cheaters with different motivations
Disclaimer. For simplicity’s sake this blog is about dealing with a straight man. For Lesbians and straight woman and most especially gay men the rules are different.
The opportunist: This is the guy whose basically not really a cheater, but things aren’t so great at home, he and his sales partner have a mutual attraction, they are at an out-of-town trade show, there’s a lot of alcohol…you know the rest. This relationship often can be saved with marriage counseling and a strong desire on both sides to heal.
The player: This guy loves the game of sneaking around and the danger of maybe getting caught. So much so that if you told him it was ok to cheat he might not do it because it wouldn’t be fun anymore. Sorry ladies, this guy can cannot be changed. Time to talk to a lawyer or learn to live with it.
Fell in love with someone else: This guy fell out of love with you and in love with someone else without benefit of ending it with you first or really thinking about the pain his actions will cause. Often (but not always) this guy has some narcissistic qualities and probably isn’t worth your time anymore anyway. I am sorry to say this but in this situation the relationship is usually dun-zo and you don’t want it anyway.
The addict: Though much rarer this person has highly addictive tendencies in general often with sex, porn and almost always alcohol. Surprisingly with a lot of intervention usually involving 12 step programs and a genuine desire to heal I have seen these relationships recover. However, it does require a lot of work on both parties AND (this is a big, big and) the man has to surrender free access to cash and agree to being monitored. But again, I have seen people who do the work heal from this.
So, Jill is it ok for me to date a former cheater?
Bottom line. Yes people make mistakes, but you want to consider if their morals and values align with yours AND if they have enough personal discipline to resist temptation when they are thirsty and forbidden fruit is right in front of them.
So In general, I would recommend against it, but circumstances do matter. If they cheated with their spouse’s sister I would say “hell no” and “run!”. But if it was a trade show, the relationship at home had been bad for a while and the person acknowledge they messed up expressed real remorse and I would see it differently but that up to you.
Love yourself to acknowledge you deserve the very best the absolute very best and hold out for it.
Jill K Thomas CHT
Soul Connect Transformations
Hypnotherapy and Intuitive Readings
Author of the books “Tales from the Trance” & “Feed your Real Hunger”
Appointments available Globally by Video Chat